I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
