Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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