It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
