I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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