he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
