literally had 100 drinks last night.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
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Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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