I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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