Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
