I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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