I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
