On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
