You smell like stripper and shame
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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