I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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