Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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