Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
