Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
