So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
