Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
