so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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