Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
