Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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