the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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