these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just puked most of my soul out..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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