Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
