There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
