Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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