Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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