he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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