Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
