Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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