I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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