This is not my ceiling
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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