She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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