It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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