I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
