I wish my penis had an off switch
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
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when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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