My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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