Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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