Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
