I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
