the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
