We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
