she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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