grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
