Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
