worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
