i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
