So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
