Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
