no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
