I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
