It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
