So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
