Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
