We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
