i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
