is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
two words: eviction party
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
