She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
