dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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