I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
