Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
