my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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