I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
