I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
