Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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