:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
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It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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