I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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