I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
