Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
