I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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