Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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