Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
