just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
