I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
