marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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