capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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